In Joe Berlinger’s captivating, if ultimately unsatisfying, Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, one bizarre nugget-drop in the final episode chronicling the infamous lady-killing lady-killer was that he enjoyed smoking a particular strong brand of marijuana while on death row. Turns out the last lady in America who thought Bundy wholly innocent by this time, despite his convictions and suspicions (in 36 murders!), Carol Ann Boone, would smuggle the ganga to Bundy into Stark prison in Florida – via her vagina. Now vaginal dryness from marijuana (or cotton vagina) may be a real thing, but apparently just using your nether-regions as a waystation caused no such problems for Boone, since her and Bundy somehow managed to have relations and even have a baby girl together while he was locked up. Apparently, Boone’s hoo-ha worked just fine as a make-shift humidifier since Bundy apparently really tripped out in prison on whatever he was smoking.
Unfortunately, the circuitous travails of this poor pittance of potent pot inside the prison doesn’t end there. It only gets more weird and disgusting. According to Berlinger’s doc, Bundy would then have to walk his mary jane contraband back to his cell with the goods firmly implanted inside his rectum. I don’t think I’ve ever felt sorry for a 30-year-old gram of weed before, but I do in this instance. Stuck inside the world’s biggest asshole’s asshole is no way for good bud to ever have to be.
The obvious question, of course, is what was Boone smoking to do all this for this deranged mass-murderer? We’ll never know, but it had to be something in the crack line and not that of marijuana. To her credit, Boone, after defending Bundy in the media, incredibly marrying him on the witness stand, and (as mentioned) smuggling him weed in her vaginal cavity, eventually, finally came to her senses, divorcing Bundy in 1986 and has lived in anonymity ever since.
Another question comes to mind: How did Bundy get away with chronically smoking the chronic on death row (this was not after all Death Row Records, which did of course produce The Chronic while smoking an epic amount of the stuff). You would have thought Boone baked Bundy some damn good brownies that after doube-transport had a decidedly mixed odor of foolish femininity and insane male fecality. However, according to Conversations With A Killer, Bundy smoked his weed inside the jail. It’s not like there were today’s blissful nearly scentless vape-pens back then, so either A. the guards didn’t recognize the smell and thought it was just one of the inmates burning their hair per usual, or B. they were toking with Ted and sometimes happy with a contact high, or C. He just threatened to kill anyone who said they might tell or take it away. I mean, if I’m an inmate or officer in the prison, I’m not making unnecessary trouble with a serial killer by messing with his stash.
Would Bundy have been more chill and less apt to kill if he had been a chronic user before he went on his killing sprees? (He admitted to drinking to steel himself before he went on the prowl). According to this post on Quora it’s rather unlikely since the amygdala portion of the brain, which correlates to empathy and the sympathetic nervous system was likely non-functional for Bundy. Since “when a psychopath smokes marijuana the portion of the brain isn’t affected at all, as it is basically non-functioning to begin with.” So then, it’s basically the same reason smoking the doobie wouldn’t have done much to deter Donald Trump’s development into a sociopath. (Although a couple tokes and maybe Trump stumbles into watching Pink Floyd’s The Wall and realizes all-in-all he’s not just another brick in the wall, he’s all the bricks in the wall, so what does he need to actually build one for anyway? Yeah, probably not.)
As much as I’m a believer in the weed legalization movement, no one on our side should ever be bringing up the subject of serial killers to argue legalization against their arch-conservative uncles at Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, Dean Corll, John Wayne Gacy, Richard Ramirez and this notorious weed deliverer were all reportedly keen on the green. On the bright side, it’s hard to imagine Hannibal Lecter ever asking Clarice to smuggle her a really strong joint. Remember, Lecter ate a man’s liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti, not with a sativa dominant strain of Strawberry Cough. And Dr. Lecter was far too genteel to ask Agent Starling to do any muling with her lady parts.
All of this just makes me think that only the ‘80s and Florida (where and when I grew up) could enable such a ridiculous, shocking and tragic story of Boone, Bundy… and blunts. No doubt Bundy preferred the non-medicinal marijuana he prescribed himself in prison to the shock therapy he ultimately received in Florida’s electric chair where he ultimately went up in smoke in January of 1989. Cheech and Chong would not have been proud.
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